Claiming Self-Reliance and Ownership for the Journey


Rebelle Society recently published my creative reflection about my love of dance and how it has transformed my life. Upon writing this reflection, I was reminded of the several key relationships that have been essential in fostering big changes towards healthy living. My experience of these supportive networks, alongside decades of research, finds that social networks are vital in shaping and sustaining health behaviors [1-5]. I will write much more on the benefits of supportive health communities and how to develop your own supportive communities and networks in a later post.

First, I want to share a recent experience that has presented a profound challenge in my pursuit of healthy living: leaving my beloved health community behind and learning how to start all over again. We all experience life changes that limit our ability to be physically near to our greatest supporters and mentors. Even for those of us fortunate enough to have already had the opportunity to define and utilize the health practices that fit for our lives, many variables can potentially disrupt the ideal routine. Perhaps you take on a new job in a new city, and you have yet to find your community. Perhaps you are in a season of financial strain, which requires many hours of hard work for you to stay afloat, and you might not have the time or money to enroll in a gym or take exercise classes. These challenges illustrate the ever-changing and dynamic nature of our lives, and coming back to a physically and emotionally healthy routine is similar to the ongoing process of finding homeostasis. It is during these moments that the critical undertaking of developing self-reliance becomes most salient.

Let me start with a note of gratitude. I was fortunate to be connected with some very amazing and inspiring mentors over the course of my wellness journey. The first was Julie Simon: dancer, instructor, performer, and unintentional philosopher. As Julie’s pupil, I was given so many gifts and tools. She introduced me to new worlds of dances and cultures with which I became utterly rapt: Africa, Brazil, Cuba, and more. She also taught me how to physically push beyond any limits I had placed on myself. When I first started her class, the movement and the pace felt so inaccessible. But for some reason, I kept coming back. Now that Julie is one of my best friends, I know that this experience was not unique to me. Julie has a sparkling charisma that reaches almost everyone she comes into contact with. Beyond that, she creates a classroom environment that is so welcoming and celebratory and who wouldn’t want to be a part of that? Julie taught me how to dance, appreciate my own body, and use my body to it’s fullest potential (moving past my mental barriers of what I thought was physically possible).

A few months after I met Julie, I happened upon another fateful mentorship. I began to practice Ashtanga Yoga with Western Yoga College, led by Scott Miller and Laura Cueva-Miller. Although I had been practicing yoga on and off for many years, this sangha was very special and they inspired a much deeper growth in my yoga practice. Scott and Laura taught me about the importance of discipline, hard work, and spiritual connection in the pursuit of total wellbeing.  They also taught me about the importance of having a fun, light-hearted attitude, even while working toward difficult and serious goals.

Leaving these mentors and beloved communities behind as I relocated to a new city was the hardest transition I have ever experienced. I didn’t know why it felt so bad at the time. In hindsight, I realized it was because I had become entirely dependent on my mentors to deliver these benefits to me.  All this time as a student in their classrooms, my only task was to show up and allow them to guide me in reaching that state of mental clarity, physical pleasure, and emotional empowerment that was created by moving according to their direction.  But now, many miles away, it became painfully clear that I was solely responsible for my own health journey. That didn’t stop me from wasting my time denying this fact! For many months, I searched for new classes, trying to find my replacement mentors. There were many talented inspirational people I met in this way, but none had the compelling pull that led me to abide and adhere so attentively to my embodied practices in the same way that my first mentors did.

After many months of trying to fill the void in this way, I redirected my focus on the one teacher who was closest, most accessible, and most reliable in my life: ME. With a busy schedule and none of my trusted mentors nearby, I had to learn to take ownership over my own health journey. Luckily, I wasn’t starting from scratch; I had the tools given to me by past teachers. And yet, there was no friend, instructor, or boss I might potentially upset if I didn’t show up to my 6am home practice, other than myself.

I will share with you the tools that help bring me just a little bit closer to self-reliance in my health journey. It is, of course, an ongoing process.


·      I do it for me – My health journey didn’t truly begin until I decided to embark on this path for the sake of myself and nothing or nobody else. It is so much more difficult to sustain motivation if it's only for the purposes of losing weight or gaining the acceptance of others. This is how people become trapped in the yo-yo effect of diet and exercise. There are extrinsic rewards: tangible changes to your body, more attention from others, more acceptance or validation on the basis of your physical appearance. But, over time, the attention and outside motivation may wane or become less meaningful. Success is much more sustainable when the health journey is based on the more stable and substanative foundation of self-love, kindness, and even enjoyment [6].

·      I learned to fall in love with the process – I believe that with familiarity and increased proficiency, this can happen naturally. At a certain point, I started to look forward to that painful, sweaty burn every morning. I changed the way I thought about the task ahead of me. Rather than being this horrible nuisance in my day, I try to think about the task of waking up and attending to my physical need for movement as an exquisite force that affords me the strength, mental clarity, and patience I need to get through the day.

·      I created the perfect soundtrack – Still to this day, I cannot do a proper workout to a song that does not fuel my fire. Research finds that music can be a useful tool for increased performance and improved psychological states, particularly during high intensity aerobic exercise [7]. Everyone has a different preference and requirements for good music. Have fun exploring your favorite tunes and help make your workouts more fun. I’m always looking for more songs to add to my workout playlist. If you have favorites, please share!

·      I try to make it a habit – Honestly, I’m still working on this. However, the more habitual these practices become, the less need for negotiating, and having to think about the decision to follow through [8]. Most folks don’t realize how much of human cognition runs on unconscious thought. We fancy ourselves a rational, thoughtful, and attentive bunch. Have you ever had the experience of sitting in your car on a long drive, when suddenly you notice you arrived at your destination, without any memory or awareness about the drive itself? This is how humans navigate the majority of our daily tasks. So I try to exploit this mindlessness to my benefit. To ensure that I will adhere to my daily health goals, I try to make the decisions as mindless as possible.  If I don’t buy processed foods, I save myself the mental energy of having to make the decision to avoid them. Similarly, if I wake up at the same time every day and spend a few hours moving and sweating, my body becomes familiar with this routine, and I find less and less burden of choice or thought in the matter. 

·      I created increased accountability – As a social psychologist, I know that one of the strongest social forces to compel behavior is what Bob Cialdini calls “Commitment and Consistency.” Basically, once I publicly agree to complete a task, I’m more likely to follow through [9]. I started by declaring my goals and daily plans to my romantic partner. He would never scold me or make me feel guilty for missing my workouts or indulging on my favorite “cheat” foods. However, by publicly declaring my goals, I was also making a promise to someone else (who I care for very much). This helps me to substantiate the importance of honoring my word. Relatedly, another strategy I use to increase my accountability is to visualize my greatest mentors witnessing my daily health decisions. I spent so many days of my life in the studio with Julie, Scott, and Laura that I can easily imagine their voices and the instruction or feedback they might give when I’m practicing (or not practicing) all alone. Sometimes I even articulate those instructions to myself, aloud. This may sound silly, but it works. Call upon your internalized teachers. You’ll be surprised to find that so much of their wisdom and motivating power remains with you. 

·      I think about the big picture – Health beliefs are actually quite emotional in nature. The truth is that most of us, even medical doctors, hold some strongly biased and inaccurate ideas and opinions about health and illness [10, 11]. One crucial change in my belief was when I started to link my daily behaviors with a bigger picture of my health as a whole. Enjoying ice cream and basking outdoors without sunscreen one sunny summer afternoon will not result in heart disease or skin cancer. However, these daily health decisions do accumulate over time, shaping the course of health. Many variables determine overall health outcomes: behaviors, lifestyles, personality types, social support, environment, and of course, genes and family histories. Scientists and doctors are still working to understand the etiologies (causes) of many of the most common illnesses that effect our population today. However, some of the biggest risk factors of most complex diseases we know today include behaviors that we can control, such as: smoking, drinking, and unhealthy weight gain [12-14]. Maintaining this sense of the bigger picture gives me a better sense of why it’s important to take ownership of my health journey, even when it is not convenient to do so.


Paradoxically, during this time of seeking self-reliance, I realized that what I need to ensure adherence and success in my health goals is to create a supportive environment where it may not otherwise exist. This is not the same as looking to a mentor to dictate my daily health schedule, this insight comes from the acknowledgement that we are all social animals, and that we thrive on healthy conscious communities that provide for us a sense of support, meaning, enriched enjoyment, and added accountability. Knowing what I know about myself, I am highly extroverted, so this craving for social connection in my health journey may be particularly pronounced. In my next post, I will talk more about the vital role of social support in shaping health behaviors and outcomes and how to find or create your ideal health community.

I wish you all the best on your journey towards self-reliant health!




1.     Campbell, C., & Murray, M. (2004). Community health psychology: Promoting analysis and action for social change. Journal of Health Psychology, 9(2), 187-195.

2.     Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. New England Journal of Medicine, 357(4), 370-379.

3.     Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310.

4.     Uchino, B. N. (2006). Social support and health: a review of physiological processes potentially underlying links to disease outcomes. Journal of behavioral medicine, 29(4), 377-387.

5.     Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social relationships and health a flashpoint for health policy. Journal of health and social behavior, 51(1 suppl), S54-S66.

6.     Richard, M., Christina, M. F., Deborah, L. S., Rubio, N., & Kennon, M. S. (1997). Intrinsic motivation and exercise adherence. International Journal of Sport Psychology, 28(4), 335-354.

7.     Karageorghis, C. I., & Priest, D. L. (2012). Music in the exercise domain: A review and synthesis (Part I). International Review of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 5(1), 44-66.

8.     Aarts, H., Paulussen, T., & Schaalma, H. (1997). Physical exercise habit: On the conceptualization and formation of habitual health behaviours. Health Education Research, 12(3), 363-374.

9.     Cialdini, R. B. (1987). Influence (Vol. 3). A. Michel.

10.  Hagger, M. S., & Orbell, S. (2003). A meta-analytic review of the common-sense model of illness representations. Psychology and Health, 18(2), 141-184.

11.  Meyer, D., Leventhal, H., & Gutmann, M. (1985). Common-sense models of illness: the example of hypertension. Health Psychology, 4(2), 115.

12.  Stampfer, M. J., Hu, F. B., Manson, J. E., Rimm, E. B., & Willett, W. C. (2000). Primary prevention of coronary heart disease in women through diet and lifestyle. New England Journal of Medicine, 343(1), 16-22.

13.  Stein, C. J., & Colditz, G. A. (2004). Modifiable risk factors for cancer. British Journal of Cancer, 90(2), 299-303.

14.  Yusuf, S., Hawken, S., Ôunpuu, S., Dans, T., Avezum, A., Lanas, F., ... & Lisheng, L. (2004). Effect of potentially modifiable risk factors associated with myocardial infarction in 52 countries (the INTERHEART study): case-control study. The Lancet, 364(9438), 937-952.


Timing Isn't Everything


Ever since I was a little girl, I loved to theatrically sing along with the radio. I pretty much knew the words to almost every pop song from my youth, but some of them just really moved me. Despite being a young child with relatively few life experiences, I intuitively connected with the emotions underlying the songs. I sang along with these songs passionately and sincerely, like they were my own. I often gave spirited performances for my family and friends. I’m thankful now that this was before the proliferation of smartphones and digital cameras (although it would be kinda cool to watch Kindergarten Me performing Wilson Phillips).  

I had this strange rule, though. If I happened to catch my favorite song on the radio, after it was already 30 seconds or more into the song, I lost interest. I would venture to say it even made me mad. It was like I could only allow myself to really enjoy the song if I knew I could enjoy the whole thing in its entirety. Which makes no sense because it was the exact same song that I absolutely loved.

I had an analogous feeling today. Looking at my calendar, I thought, “I can’t wait for next year.” Why did I say these words? To be honest, this year has presented a lot of challenges for me. I wanted a fresh start, a chance to refocus on my goals and plan big with the entire year ahead of me, a blank canvas. After hearing myself speak this thought, I immediately sensed the irrationality behind it. We have just entered into the month of September, which still leaves four more months, 16 shining weeks, of potential to explore!

I was ascribing some kind of profound significance to  the date on the calendar, in the same way I used to do with the beginning of my favorite songs on the radio. It is as though I could only allow myself to think big about my goals, and enjoy the thrill of ambition, at the beginning of a new year. I found further inspiration and validation to reset when I contemplated the reality of my essence as an organic living being. This means that every single cell in my body (skin cells, blood cells, and everything that I'm made of) is going through a constant cycle of dying, shedding, and being replaced with something new. Why should I have to wait for a specific date on the calendar to hit the psychological reset button?

There is an old Chinese proverb, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” While it’s true that I could have started earlier, planting the seeds for all that I want to accomplish and grow, some of my seeds were left out. There will always be more seeds I will wish I planted 20 years ago. There is often good reason for this. I didn't know then (January 1, 2016) what I know now. I am a dynamic living organism. Inevitably, my perspectives, intentions, abilities, and priorities are constantly evolving. With this realization, I consciously choose to focus on taking actionable steps towards accomplishing something now, today, that will allow me to flourish in the near future.

You can try this. Examine the items on your “abstract existential shortcomings” list and translate them into a “more concrete and immediate doable things" list. What are some small, attainable steps you can take to make some progress towards your aspirations? Pick at least one thing you can do TODAY to get you closer. Revisit and update this list often.

Maybe you had to get a later start than you would have wanted, but the good news is that you still have the opportunity to sing aloud to the song of your life. And you ought to sing it loudly, with gusto, no matter how much time you think you have left. 

Self Care Rituals for the Anxious Extrovert

I am a classic extrovert.

About 10 years ago, I would say my biggest fear in the world was to be alone. When my romantic partner used to leave town to travel for work, my heart would fill up with dread at the thought of sitting in a quiet home by myself. I would plan, for weeks in advance, all of the ways I could inject social activities into my day. I will admit it here: sometimes I (still) make trips to the market for the purposes of getting “out” into the world and maybe talking to a nice human about kale or something.  

I should also state that I am also highly anxious by nature. So, being alone used to terrify me because it often meant that my anxiety took hold of the proverbial mic. I would be much more inclined to pay attention to that anxious narrative.

Over time I have learned some tools for how to be alone and actually enjoy it.

So, for all my fellow social animals, here is a guide to stillness for the anxious extrovert.


Fill your mind with fruitful notions.

It’s true that our thoughts and expectations can determine how we experience life events. I found that a great way to set the psychological stage for delight is to read something that inspires me, makes me smile, or makes me swoon.  Rumi - The Essential Rumi, Anne Lamott - Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace, Tara Brach - Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love that Heals Fear and Shame, Pema Chodron - Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion are some of my favorite “go-to” authors and books for inspiration.


Delight in Sensory Experiences.

I am a proponent of the theory of embodied cognition. This is a psychological theory that states that the body is not merely a vessel for the expression of thoughts and emotions, but that our physical (embodied) states and experiences may also influence or manufacture thoughts and emotional states. 

 That said, when I want to generate mental stillness and calm, I start by bringing physical stillness to my body. I may sit in meditation or do some yoga (more on yoga to follow).

Sometimes I take another shortcut to calm, by way of the unconscious pathway of olfaction (smell).  Studies find that essential oils like citrus and lavender can effectively reduce anxiety and enhance mood in stressful situations [1- 3]. One study compared the effects of orally administered lavender oil with a widely used anti-anxiety medication, lorazepam, and found that lavender oil was equally as effective as lorazepam in reducing symptoms for people living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder [4]. Please note, it is important to ingest only high quality, food-grade lavender. I have recently become an essential oils advocate, so for those of you interested in learning more about essential oils, please feel free to contact me with questions.

In addition to taste and smell, I enjoy delighting in my tactile (touch) sense. The work of Dacher Keltner tells us that touch is one of the most important tools for communicating compassion [5]. I try to meet any tension or pain I am carrying in my body (for me, it’s usually the neck and shoulders) with compassion, using a therapeutic balm of essential oils to knead my muscles as I practice taking deep, relaxing breaths.  This combination of breathing and therapeutic touch provides feedback signals to the brain that promote mental wellbeing.   

To stimulate my visual senses, I simply go outside and look for something beautiful to set my gaze upon. I also use this as an exercise in mindfulness. When was the last time you sat and appreciated the colors, lines, shapes, motion of a flower, as though it was the very first time you had ever seen it? Just think of all the opportunities for beauty we might miss if we don't consciously seek these moments to marvel at our surroundings from time to time.  


Listen to Vinyl Records.

“There's a whole world in here, a nicer, dirtier, more violent, more peaceful, more colorful, sleazier, more dangerous, more loving world than the world I live in; there is history, and geography, and poetry, and countless other things I should have studied at school, including music.”  ― Nick Hornby

Let's not forget the miraculous emotional power of our auditory senses. Music is one way to bring about a spontaneous emotional reaction. It's even better when you listen to your favorite song on vinyl. I used to think collecting vinyl was just another way for hipsters to parade their sophistication for all to see. But, there is truly nothing like it in the world. If you enjoy music, you should think seriously about buying a record player and pursuing a relationship with vinyl records. There is something uncommonly beautiful about the act of putting on a record and listening closely to the rich quality of sound captured on vinyl.

Neurologist Oliver Sacks has written about the many mental and emotional effects of listening to music. Among these effects, Sacks describes the transcendental potential for music to elicit a state of sublimation and ecstasy [6]. When I am seeking this sublime state of musical reverie, I prefer to sit with my eyes closed (or lie in savasana) and listen attentively, as I let my mind surrender to the wild imaginings of my favorite musical artists. I recommend Bjork and Radiohead as place to begin your transcendent musical journey. 




Light incense.

There is no science to it, but I light incense for two reasons: 1) I enjoy the smell, 2) I regard it a gesture or a symbol of my intention to create a space for contemplation. I may be at my house, but it is my way of marking a special moment for inward attention.

Not everyone enjoys the sensory experience of lighting incense. But, for those of you who know you like incense, or are interested in trying some: I really love the scent of the Bursera graveolens tree, also known as palo santo. For the medical anthropologists, palo santo is connected with a lot of Folk medical traditions. Today you can find it in many healthy stores or online as an oil or as a small stick that can be burned, similar to a standard incense stick.


Give Yourself the Spa Treatment.

There is a scientific reason behind this one. Grooming is adaptive for all animals, to sustain health and hygiene. But, if you are like me, on most days you find yourselves rushing to get ready quickly before work, which means that sometimes the artistic details of grooming can be overlooked. So, when I have the luxury of time alone, I like to pay extra attention to grooming. I use my favorite Rose Hip Oil, braid my hair, or paint my toenails with nature-inspired colors . To some this may sound trite, but this has always been an intuitive ritual that I have enjoyed since I was old enough to do it.



Food is such a vital component of health and self-care. It is also a way to reconnect with our families, cultures, and identities. As an emigré, my knowledge and access to my native Persian culture is relatively limited. That is why I truly cherish the art of cooking, especially when I can create dishes that remind me of my family. In this act, I show kindness to myself using the very same recipes that my family once used to nourish me. In fact, as soon as I turned 18 and moved out of the house, I made it my mission to “apprentice” in the kitchen alongside my family and friends, to record their recipes and learn their techniques. This is not to say that everything I ever make turns out perfect. I have no shame in calling for pizza when necessary. Still, cooking is an act of creativity and love that I enjoy practicing as often as I can. If you are curious about the treasures of Persian cooking, here’s a great book to check out: Joon by Najmieh Batmanglij.


Practice yoga.

I crave yoga everyday.  I find it necessary to maintain a daily practice, even if I'm just home alone. I do love to attend classes and get inspired by new instructors. However, I might not always have the time or funds necessary to attend daily yoga classes. So, I create sanctuaries at home. I actually have two spaces devoted to my home practice. Sometimes I set my mat outside to practice yoga outdoors. Other times, I just light some candles and set up my mat in the living room. I have been practicing yoga for over a decade, but I am just now becoming more consistent with my practice.

I can truly attest to the benefits yoga can provide: I have become stronger, more flexible, and less susceptible to injury. The benefits of yoga surpass the one hour of asana (postures) I practice on my mat. I have noticed that the quality of my thoughts and my ability to deal with daily challenges is proportionate to the consistency of my practice. Yoga teaches me how to stay present in times of discomfort: how to learn to breathe in challenging moments, without frantically seeking to escape. Yoga teaches me that sometimes I might even find bliss in the midst of a struggle. Yoga teaches me that I can allow myself to be open to the possibility of bliss at any time, both on and off the mat. 

I would love to share this practice with you!  For those of you in the San Diego area, you can find my weekly schedule on the Auteur Health and Wellness Instagram or facebook page. If you are interested in starting an at-home practice with me, you can find guided instructional videos available for purchase, by visiting the Gifts tab on my website.


I hope by revealing some of my personal practices, I can inspire others to enrich their solitude with self-compassion. To my fellow anxious extroverts, I hope you get a chance to try some of these activities and find them emotionally and mentally supportive when you are in need of a little extra care. 



1.     Lehrner, J., Marwinski, G., Lehr, S., Johren, P., & Deecke, L. (2005). Ambient odors of orange and lavender reduce anxiety and improve mood in a dental office. Physiology & Behavior, 86, 92-95.

2.     Kritsidima, M., Newton, T., & Asimakopoulou, K. (2010). The effects of lavender scent on dental patient anxiety levels: a cluster randomised‐controlled trial. Community Dentistry and Oral Epidemiology, 38, 83-87.

3.     Bradley, B. F., Brown, S. L., Chu, S., & Lea, R. W. (2009). Effects of orally administered lavender essential oil on responses to anxiety‐provoking film clips. Human Psychopharmacology: Clinical and Experimental, 24, 319-330.

4.     Woelk, H., & Schläfke, S. (2010). A multi-center, double-blind, randomised study of the Lavender oil preparation Silexan in comparison to Lorazepam for generalized anxiety disorder. Phytomedicine, 17, 94-99.

5.     Keltner, D. (2010). Hands On Research: The Science of Touch. Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.

6.     Sacks, O. (2006). The power of music. Brain, 129, 2528-2532.